A Crying Fish / 鱼儿的泪

我是一条鱼，正值花样年华，相当于人类的17岁。本该快乐的年纪，但对我来说一切都完了，这实在令人难以置信，因为我被抓了。马上就要成为人类的盘中餐了。
这一切来得太突然了，我简直不敢相信。以前妈妈常常嘱咐我千万不要到这一带来，因为这里很危险，是渔民常常出没的地方，而我也确实从未来过。可这一天。。。。
这一天是我平生中第一次约会，对方是一个我暗恋了很久的一个男孩子，但因为一来我性格内向，再加上他身边总有很多其他的女孩子，所以我一直只能默默的看着。不知为什么，突然他约我晚上一起去深水湾吧。我的心怦怦地跳个不停，这实在来得太突然了，我毫无准备，“可是，妈妈说那里很危险，经常有。。。” “怕什么，你有我呀，我会保护你。那里安静，方便说话，嗯？”，说着，他坏坏地眨了眨眼睛。“好吧，那我就跟你去。”
他果然是个老手，很快地便进入了角色，变得不安分起来。“不要这样嘛。”“没关系啦，你不是很想跟我约会么？你以为约会做什么？不要怕，你会喜欢的，嗯？”接着又是那样坏坏地眨了眨眼睛。。。。
正值情到深处，突然感觉一个什么东西从头顶飞过。我们一时还没反应过来，后来才知道那是一张网，我们被罩在网里了。我吓得不知怎么才好，心想好采是跟着一个又高又大又结实的男孩子一起来的，不然死定了。我焦急地问他，“怎么办啊？”“快把网咬破。”一语点醒梦中人，我们一起拼命地咬啊咬啊，终于咬到一个仅能通过一条鱼的洞。”我想都没想，便把机会让给了他“Run Jimmy, run.” 他头也没回地跑了出去，我就没那么幸运了，等轮到我时，渔民已经发现了。 我已经来不及逃脱了，我拚尽了全部的力气，向他喊道：“记得回去通知我妈妈，叫大家快点来救我。”他连头也不回，只顾着自己逃窜。我绝望地喊着：“记得快救我呀，救我。。。”直至声嘶力竭，再也喊不动了，也没见他回一下头。眼泪顿时像断了线的珍珠似的。。。
接着，我被放进了一个冰桶，这样做的目的是为了保鲜。我的身价在市场是很高的，因为我有着高贵的血统，最适合做刺身了。好冷啊，我从小就怕冷，可这么冷的环境我还真是从未经历过呢。我忽然想起了妈妈，想起我没听她的话，跑到那个危险的地方去，这一切都是我自己自找的。我出来之前连着招呼也没来得及跟她打，她现在一定急坏了。我出生在一个单亲家庭，是妈妈一手把我拉扯大的。因为妈妈是被骗才怀我的，所以她一直对我说男人没有好东西，她尤其讨厌Jimmy. “一看就知道不是什么好东西。”她经常这样说。恍恍惚惚地听邻居中的长辈们说妈妈年轻时贪慕虚荣，不听外祖母的劝告硬是要跟出身高贵的“父亲”交往，结果怀孕不久后就被甩掉了，伤心欲绝的她之后再也没跟任何人交往过。如今类似的事情有发生在了我的身上，好像冥冥中早已决定了似的。好冷啊，越来越越冷了，实在受不了，“神啊，让我暖起来吧，我不怕热，可这么冷我实在受不了了。”
我被装上了一辆车，运到了一家豪华餐厅。我离家越来越远了，离妈妈越来越远了。我好想见到妈妈，我好想妈妈呀。我想向她说声对不起，昨晚我离开家之前才跟她吵了一架，我赌气把门怦地重重一摔，便跑了出去，从那以后我就再也没有见过她了。妈妈年纪大了，身体也不好，我是她的唯一亲人，没有了我她将来该怎么生活呀。 顿时眼泪又像断了线的珍珠似的。。。
我被放在了菜板上，主厨已经准备好了，就要下刀了。“慢着，求求你放了我吧，你知道妈妈有多需要我吗？她不能没有我呀，让我走吧，至少让我回去向她说声对不起吧，求你啦。”可是无论我怎么喊，主厨的脸上都毫无反应，小时候就听大人说过，我们能听得见人类讲话，可人类却听不到我们，现在的情形就像是对着一个聋子哭喊，不，比那更糟，聋子至少可以看懂我脸上的表情，可现在在异类面前他连这也看不懂，没有什么比这更悲哀的了，看着主厨拿起了刀，我更加绝望了。只能任人宰割啦。
客人就坐在我的面前，一老一少。老的是一个五十多岁的男子，据说很有钱，年轻的则是一位少女，年纪比我大不了多少，相貌不错。从他们的谈话中我得知这老的不久前死了老婆，现在正在劝说那姑娘做他的填房，因为姑娘家境贫寒，所以他带她来这豪华餐厅让她开开眼，以便快点作决定。
一刀刀切在我身上，钻心般地痛，眼泪又如断了线的珍珠一般。“看，这鱼好像哭了。”“傻丫头，不会啦，鱼儿哪里会哭，那时她的分泌物而已，目的是保持湿润。”那老的说。“你才傻呢，我真的是在哭啊，没看见人家哭道这样伤心，你还要吃，你还有没有人性？”可惜没人听得到。“这是极珍贵的品种，很难吃得到的，今天你们的运气真是太好了。”主厨说道。“这是鱼的背部，最适合做刺身，你们试试看。”主厨把切好的生鱼片摆成扇形再加上装饰小心翼翼地呈现给了客人。“嗯。。美的好像艺术品一般，真的令人不忍下筷子呢。”在另两人的一再鼓励下，女孩终于拿起了筷子，“うん。。美味しい。”那女孩不住地赞叹。 我清晰地感觉到背部被人咀嚼并被吞咽，这种难受程度简直不是语言可以形容的。我只能祈祷让我快点失去知觉，那样反倒舒服些。“神啊，让我死吧！这种死不了又活受罪实在太折磨我了。”
不知是不是最早的祷告神已经听到了。主厨这时把我肚子上切下一块，拿到油里去炸，接着又小火炖煮。我的天！终于不冷了，现在简直是超热，实在是太热了，原来热跟冷一般地难受。哪个也不比哪个好。“妈妈呀，我实在受不了了，女儿实在不该不听您的话，女儿知错啦，如果不能救我出去，您就为我祷告让我死得痛快点吧。妈妈呀。。妈妈。。。 妈。。。”又是直到声嘶力竭，同样的，眼泪又像断了线的珍珠似的。。。
最后主厨把我的头和尾拿去煮汤。“这叫一鱼三吃，是本店的招牌。”主厨得意地介绍着。“うん、すごく うまい。。”女孩不住地点头。我开始感到灵魂在一点点地远离，远离，远离。。。忽然耳边传来了一个熟悉的声音，这声音似乎越来越清晰，“不用怕，你有我呀！有我呀。。。 有我。。。我。。。”“Jimmy, 你在哪儿？你终于来救我了？可是你在哪儿呀？怎么我看不到你呀？”我拚尽最后的一点力气，终于确认这里根本没有什么Jimmy。难道已经出现了人们常说的幻觉了么？已经快了吧？我的另一个祷告神也听到了么？
也不可能有人会来救我了，这世上唯一肯拼着性命来救我的人只有一个，她就是妈妈，可她根本不知道我被抓的事，Jimmy并没有去告诉她，Jimmy 一定假装带我去危险地方的人不是他，现在我已经是死路一条了。神呢？他不是万能的么？他不是也爱我的么？现在他在哪儿啊？“Father, have thou forsaken me?” 这是我一生中说的最后一句话。。。。。

I'm a fish. I'm now in my prime, which is equivalent to being a 17 year old teenager. It should be a happy age, but not for me. For me, everything has already finished, because I was caught, waiting to be cooked.
It came so sudden. Even now, I still cannot believe it. Mama always told me not to go there. "It's dangerous because it's one of the fishermen's favorite places." I did follow her instruction, all the way, until that day...
I was on my first date in my life time. He was the boy I secretly admired for quite some time. As I was an extremely introverted person, and there were always plenty of girls around him, I never got the chance to get closer. I don't know why all of sudden he came to me that night and asked me to go to the Deep Water Cove with him. It was indeed a surprise; I was not at all prepared. My heart was pounding. I said, "But mama said it's dangerous there, because....." He replied,"Don't worry, you have me. I'll protect you. It's quiet there, and convenient, eh?" Then he blinked his eyes and smiled naughtily. "Ok, I'll go with you." was my answer...
He was indeed very experienced and very soon he became excited, and his 'hands' were roaming about. "Please don't!,” I said "Why worried? I thought you wanted to date me? What do you fancy a date should be? Don't worry. I guarantee you'll enjoy it, eh?,” he promised. Again he blinked his eyes and smiled in the same naughty way...
When we were heavily engaged with each other, suddenly something flied over our heads. we've already been caught in the net before we realized what had happened. I was so scared and was thinking it was so lucky to be with a tall and strong boy. I asked him what to do. "Quickly bite the net." We used all our effort to create a small hole just enough to let one fish to go through. Without thinking too much, I let him go first. "Run, Jimmy, run!" He ran away without even turning his head. But I was not that lucky. When it came to my turn, the fisherman had found out. I could not run any more. I used up all my strength and shouted at him, "Go and inform my mama, tell our people to save me." But he was fully focused on his escape. I was desperate. I yelled, "Tell them to save me, save me, me...." I shouted until I lost my voice and could not shout any more. Still, he never turned his head. My tears came out as a steady stream of pearls falling off a broken necklace...
I was put inside a barrel full of ice. That was because they wanted to keep me as fresh as possible. I'm quite an expensive type of catch, since I have noble blood and I’m very suitable to be made into sashimi. It was so cold. I had been scared of the cold since I was a baby. I have never experienced such a cold environment before. At this time mama came to my mind. I was so regretful that I had disobeyed her. I should have listened to her and not come to such a dangerous place. Everything was too late now and it was all my fault. I did not even let her know where I was going before I left. She must be very worried now. I grew up in a single parent family. It was mama who single-handedly brought me up. She was cheated by a man and got pregnant. That's why she always says all men are evil. She especially dislikes Jimmy and refers him as an evil guy. I evesdropped on my neighbors who were talking about mama's sad story. Because of her vanity when she was young, she ignored my grandma's advice and fell in love with a man who was from a noble family. She was abandoned soon after she became pregnant. She was so sad about it she never looked again for another boyfriend. Now the same thing happened to me as if it were destiny. So cold, it was soooo cold, it became colder and colder. I could not bear it any more. "God, let me be warm. Even if you make it very hot it doesn't matter. But this coldness I can bear it no more."
I was loaded on a truck and transported to a high class restaurant. Now I was further and further away from my home, further and further away from mama. How I wish to see mama. I miss mama so much. Last night I quarreled with her over some trivial things. I ran away from home without even saying goodbye to her. She's getting older and older and she's in poor health. I'm her only kin. How can she survive without me? Again my tears came out as a steady stream of pearls falling off a broken necklace...
I was put on the chopping board. The chef was ready. He's about to cut. "Please don't. Let me go. Do you know how much mama needs me? Without me she can't survive. Please let me go. Let me at least go back to say sorry to her. Please, please, please...." But no matter how loud I shouted, there was no response at all from the chef. I heard when I was young that we could hear what the human being talk but not vice versa. It's like shouting to one who’s deaf. No, even worse than that, at least a deaf could see my facial expressions, but he couldn't. He did not even understand. Nothing could be sadder than this. The chef had already held his knife. I was even more desperate. I had lost control completely.
The guests were just sitting in front of me. One was old and one was young. The old one was a 50+ old man. It's said that he's rich. The young one was a girl who was slightly older than me. She looked quite pretty. From their conversation I realized that the old man's wife just passed away not long ago. He is now trying to persuade the girl to marry him. The girl was from a poor family. That's why he brought her to this luxurious restaurant so that she could be pressured and in awe to make a quick decision. Now is cutting on me. Pain is overwhelming. My tears came out as a steady stream of pearls falling off a broken necklace. "See, this fish is crying." "My silly girl, how can a fish cry? It's just the liquid she generated from her inner body to keep her moisturized." The old man said. "Stupid, I'm really crying. Seeing me crying so sad you still want to eat me. Do you have a heart?" But no one heard me. "You are so lucky today. It's very rare to catch this species." The chef said, " This is the back meat, very suitable for making sashimi. Please try it." He arranged the sashimi slices in the shape of a fan with green vegetable decorations. "It's so beautiful like a piece of art work. I feel evil to eat it." Girl said. After strong recommendations and encouragement, finally the girl picked up her chopsticks. "Hmm, Oishi!" The girl kept praising it. I could clearly feel the chewing on my back as well as the sounds of being swallowed. This suffering is really beyond what my words could describe. I prayed let me quickly lose my senses. At least that would be better. "God, let me die. This is really unbearable. "
I didn't know is it because my first prayer was answered, the chef cut one piece from my belly; fried it in the hot oil; then simmered it. Finally I was not cold. Now it's super hot. Unbearably hot. Hot and cold actually were the same thing, not at all better. "Mama, I really can bear this no more. It was my mistake. I shouldn't ignore what you said. If you can't save me out from here, then pray for me to die faster. Mama, mama, ma....." Again until lost of my voice. As before, my tears came out as a steady stream of pearls falling off a broken necklace...
Finally, the chef took my head and tail to make soup. "This is our signature dish. One fish cooked in three different ways." The chef introduced smugly. "Hmm, sugoku umai." The girl said. I could feel my soul is floating away from me. Floating away, away, away... Suddenly I heard a familiar voice, and it's getting clearer and clearer. "Don't worry; you have me, have me, me....."　"Jimmy, where are you? Finally you came to save me? How come I can't see you?" I struggled hard to force myself to open my eyes for the last time in my life. There was no Jimmy. Only the sound was reverberating. Could it be the hallucination that people always talked about? So it is soon for me? My second prayer has also been answered?
It's now impossible that anyone would come to save me. There's only one person in this world is willing to sacrifice the life to save me. That's mama. But she did not know that I was caught. Jimmy did not inform her. He will definitely pretend that it was not him who brought me to that dangerous area. Now death is for sure. What about God? Isn't that He's almighty? Isn't that He loves me? Where is He now? "Father, have thou forsaken me?" was the last sentence I said in my life time.